Written by: Shalyn Isaacs / Communication Coaching / January 24, 2022 / 10 minutes read

In our society, there are many different norms and standards that people tend to abide by when it comes to leadership and communication. Many of us grew up around certain messages around what a leader looks like and how a leader ‘’should’’ communicate. When you think about a leader – what image comes to your mind? What is the name of this leader? What is their age, gender, social status, economic status, and how do they present themselves to the public? Do you see parts of yourself or not within your image of a leader? 

Over the years, I have worked with people in workshops and leadership coaching settings where I came into contact with many different people who aspired to be leaders in their own lives and communities. However, many of the people I worked with believed that they were simply not leaders because they had certain preconceptions and assumptions about what it means to be a leader. Many people believed that you had to look a certain way, talk a certain way and dress in a certain way in order to be taken seriously as a leader. Most people did not recognize that there are multiple different leadership styles and communication styles out there. 

The purpose of this blog post is not to delve into defining what all the different types of leadership styles are. If you would like to explore different leadership styles, there are many different resources and articles on the internet. However, in this blog post we will explore how you can learn to see yourself as a leader and communicate in a way that feels authentic to you. 

Here are some things to consider and think about for you to self-reflect on to determine how you can be a leader and how you can communicate like one as well. I have drawn on some of my personal experiences as a leadership coach to explore these ideas.

• What characteristics make someone a leader? 

• Who created these standards of what makes someone a leader? 

• Who created the standards and norms of the ‘’right’’ way that leaders should communicate? 

• Who in society benefits the most from these norms and standards around leadership and communication? 

• What characteristics do you like about yourself that help you connect with others? 

• Is it possible that the traits about you that help you connect with others, are the very traits that could make you an effective leader? 

In my opinion, a leader is someone who makes a positive difference in the lives of others in ways that uphold their sense of safety, dignity, and empowerment. This is my definition of a leader that may not resonate with everyone. What is your idea of a leader? What characteristics do you desire in a leader, ideally? 

These are just some questions to help you reflect deeper within yourself on how your expectations of leadership and communication are often influenced by social norms and power dynamics you have encountered throughout your life. However – are norms the only way things can ever be? Is it possible to lead and communicate in ways that deviate from the norm, but are still worthy of being taken seriously and respected? What does it say about us as a society if we are only able to respect behaviors that fit social norms that mostly benefit certain groups of people?

Now, below are a few examples of times I was working as a leadership coach with students at York University. I outline some things they struggled with, and ways I helped them overcome their communication and leadership difficulties. 

There was a young woman who started a new job at the University and had trouble asking for the support she needed to do a good job in the role, and also had trouble advocating for herself and making negotiations in the workplace. I decided to use a trauma-informed and somatic-based coaching approach to determine what were the psychological and emotional causes of her communication troubles. I also used a feminist coaching framework to address the social causes of her communication issues as well. 

It turned out that throughout her life she was belittled by men in the workplace for the way she communicated and she really internalized a lot of sexism so that whenever she wanted to communicate with others – she had these other people’s voices in her head. These emotions of self-doubt and anxiety were caught in her chest, her stomach, and her back. So we used compassion-based approaches to release the messages she received from other people and society and we used mindfulness skills to get her in touch with her authentic voice. I also supported her with reconceptualising her narrative around leadership and communication so that she felt more comfortable with gradually speaking up for herself. She ended up being able to ask for support, take breaks, and advocate for her accomplishments to her manager which ended up with her being recognized for her work. She grew more confident in herself and therefore her communication and assertiveness improved. 

Another example is during my time working as a leadership coach, I was working with a group of people who experienced a lot of anxiety and stress that was effecting their communication styles and therefore their leadership abilities. It turned out that a lot of their anxiety stemmed from feeling like they all needed to communicate and lead in a particular way, yet they were all different people with their individual communication and leadership styles. So I coached them on different leadership styles, different communication styles so that they could come into their own unique communication & leadership style. 

How comfortable do you feel with creating your own definitions of leadership and effective communication? Perhaps that feels uncomfortable because you were trained to believe there is only one ‘’correct’’ way of communicating as a leader that makes someone a legitimate leader. However, this thought pattern limits people’s ability to think outside of the box and create new forms of leadership that could positively impact society and the world. 

To work with Shalyn Isaacs as your psychotherapist (qualifying) at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or by calling (647) 795-5277.