Written by: Anna Pasternak / Communication Coaching / August 04, 2021 / 8 minutes read

One of the most important things when it comes to being assertive is thinking assertively. If we want to be assertive communicators but are not thinking assertively, then it will be very difficult to reach our goal. It is important for us to understand our “Assertive rights” to pave the way to assertive thinking,  as listed by the Centre of Clinical Interventions : 

1. You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself. 

You are you based on your experiences, behaviors, thoughts and feelings. Do not feel guilty expressing them. Of course, we also need to be respectful of others when they are expressing themselves. Though if someone is being abusive towards you, you should not be accepting that. You should still remember your assertive rights and stand up for yourself. 

2. You have the right to say “no”. 

Saying ‘no’ to others without feeling guilty is very important . We have the right to say ‘no’ to others if this benefits us, instead of always feeling like you need to please people. If you don’t want to go out that night, because you’re not feeling up for it, just say no!

3. You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior. 

If we make a decision the only person that we should have justify it, is ourselves. Giving reasons to others is not mandatory, if you feel like you don’t want to explain yourself.  We should not have to justify why we believe something. Though this is something that you may have to gage on your own depending on the situation and your relationship with the other person. 

4. You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people's problems.

This means that you are not obligated to help another person, even if you have the means to do so. You do not have to become a problem solver for someone if you don’t want to. Often, we may feel obligated to help when someone’s comes to us, but this is a choice we can make. 

5. You have the right to change your mind.

If you make a decision about something but learn something new after words, you have the right to change your mind in this situation. Being able to change our minds in the presence of new information or thoughts we have gathered shows that we can be flexible. Though changing your mind in some situation may not be right. Such as, you sign an agreement for a certain price, changing that after can make you appear untrustworthy and sneaky. 

6. You have the right to disagree with someone’s opinion.

You have the right to a different opinion from the person you are talking to. You have the right to disagree with what someone is saying. 

7. You have the right to make mistakes - and be responsible for them. 

We don’t always have to be perfect. Do not allow others to make you feel guilty for the mistakes you have made, it’s ok, everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect.

8. You have the right to say, 'I don't know'. 

Saying ‘I don’t know’ should be something we try to avoid. If you really don’t know something let the other person know. We shouldn’t feel ashamed for not knowing something. Not everyone knows everything at all times. 

9. You have the right to be illogical in making decisions. 

We will not always be rational at all times. It is ok to be  irrational at times. We hold the right to be irrational, even though most of the time we try not to be we may not always be successful. 

10. You have the right to say, 'I don't understand'. 

It is also ok not to fully understand something. We all come from different experience and knowledge, and this does not mean we have to know or understand something all the time. It’s ok to have to ask for more information without feeling incompetent, that’s the beauty of living, is learning new things every day. 

11. You have the right to say, 'I don't care'. 

You have the right to choose when you want to care and how you want to care. If you don’t care about something why forcefully pretend like you do. Everyone cares about different things, and none of us will always care about the same things. This is something we have to discover on our own and think about the relationship we have with the other person, in order not to damage it. Sometimes ‘ I don’t care’ can come across harsh saying something like “that doesn’t interest me’ might be a better option at times. 

Check out our Assertive Communication course for additional support in areas such as reading non-verbal communication and active listening.

To speak with one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.