Written by: Laura Janzen / Communication Coaching / May 12, 2021 / 8 minutes read

It can feel automatic to apologize for mistakes and misunderstandings, especially when speaking to authority figures at work. However, saying “sorry” before speaking or when you have done nothing wrong is a habit that causes the speaker to sound far less confident. Assertive communication is key in professional environments and apologizing will diminish the impact of the words you say. Canadians are especially guilty of this habit, and we are all familiar with the jokes that Canadians will say “sorry” even if they are completely blameless. Perhaps you can recall a time where you were walking along and a person going the other way bumped into you, but for some reason you apologize.

Another pattern that emerges is that women are far more likely to fall into over-apologizing than men. This could be the result of several different factors. Women are often taught to accommodate others and when they are not able to do this their reaction may be to apologize. However, as we break through the glass ceiling and shed limiting gender norms, it is important for women to remember how to take up space.

Additionally, women absorb the message that being polite is more important than speaking their minds. This overlaps with the narrative that women are to be seen and not heard. For this reason, women will apologize for the simple act of speaking. Does the phrase “Sorry, I just wanted to say…” sound familiar? Along similar lines, voicing their thoughts it’s typically preceded by an apology such as, “Sorry can I add something?”. These carrier phrases are typically habitual but also give off the impression that the individual speaking is lacking confidence in the idea they are about to share.

When taking steps towards limiting apologies in a professional environment, a helpful shift is to instead highlight something positive that the other person has done. The table below summarizes some examples for how to replace “sorry” at work with assertive alternatives.

If you want to appear more confident in professional environments, eliminating “sorry” from your vocabulary is a good place to start. You don’t need to apologize for not understanding, stating your opinion or asking a question. Be unapologetically assertive when voicing your thoughts in the office and watch your confidence grow. Additionally, this shift and behaviour can foster more respect from colleagues.

Take for example, a situation in which you are receiving negative feedback from a co-worker that you don’t agree with. When the individual brings up the topic, don’t jump straight to sorry if you feel you have done nothing wrong. Express yourself clearly and honestly using “I” statements to explain your perspective. Be sure to avoid giving excuses and instead provide the relevant background information for the other person to understand your side of things and why you disagree

If you are someone who feels they can be overly passive at work and notices “sorry” slipping out left and right, a great tool for you would be Well Said’s Assertive Communication Course. This course provides an in depth explanation of the patterns of communication we can fall into and how to shift towards a more assertive communication profile.

Another amazing course we have recently developed is geared towards women’s communication specifically. This course will help women identify possible patterns in their speech and vocabulary choice that are unhelpful and limiting them from reaching their potential.

Finally, if you would like to work one-on-one with a Speech-Language-Pathologist on your assertive communication in either the workplace or social relationships. Well Said is here for you. Book an appointment today to discuss how we can help you achieve your communication goals!

To speak with one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.