Written by: Kendra Wormald / Communication / July 27th, 2022 / 9 minutes read

Whether you’ve had a rough week, are experiencing significant stress at work from high demands, and/or are living with mental health illness(es) (e.g. anxiety, depression), at one point or another, we all experience situations where our emotions can fluctuate and impact our typical, rational thought processes. Many clients are surprised when this topic is brought up during intervention, as though emotion and communication skills can’t belong in the same conversation. However, emotional regulation may be what’s keeping you from reaching your next level of success.

On a daily basis, clients share how they’ve had a stressful week at work, or something has happened in their personal life, then quickly disregard their emotions and want to “get back on topic and jump into therapy”. However, identifying and managing emotions, coined emotional intelligence, is part of communication therapy. Think about it. If you told yourself negative phrases such as, “I’m a failure”, “I’m no good at this job”, “That’s too hard for me”, “I’m terrible at socializing”, “I never add anything important to the conversation”, etc., you will very likely begin to believe these are absolute truths. The things you believe about yourself will play out in your life as a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you will continue to believe those negative thoughts, which may lead to withdrawal from social activities, not sharing your (very valuable and unique) insight on a business proposal, or not feeling confident enough to take lead on a project.

Going through the Steps of REBT is as easy as ABCDEF:

• Adverse event: What situation is bothering you?

• Beliefs: Irrational belief causing the Consequences

• Consequences: Emotional, Behavioural and Physical impact of your belief on you and your life

• Disputation: Is your belief helping you or harming you? Is it logical? Where is the evidence to support this belief?

• Effective new Belief: How can you re-frame this belief in a rational, functional and logical way?

• Feelings / Functional Goal: How will you respond differently when the belief no longer has harmful consequences?

Emotions such as anxiety and nervousness can impact the fluency of your speech, how your words are organized, and overall how well you’re able to communicate your thoughts. This isn’t to say these feelings (and others) aren't very common, because they are nothing if not normal (to some degree) - but it’s how you respond to them that changes the game. 

“When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.” – Tara Meyer Robson

How many times have you pushed emotions to the back-burner or thought “I’ll deal with it later” while you bury it deep inside, likely with no intention of working through it anytime soon? You’re not alone in that; addressing emotion isn’t an easy task and is often accompanied by feelings of discomfort. 

“The comfort zone is a psychological state in which one feels familiar, safe, at ease, and secure. You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ― Roy T. Bennett

“Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance.”  — Deepak Chopra

Imagine you’ve had a challenging time with a new project at work, or someone else got the promotion before you did and you’re devastated. Naturally, some negative self-thoughts come to the surface - what do you do now? 

1. Find a tangible environment that is calm and quiet and create a mental environment of non-judgement. 

2. Take some slow deep breaths while placing your hand on your diaphragm (around your belly button) and feel the expansion and contraction of the diaphragm. It may also be beneficial to notice any tension in your body by doing a body scan (​​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0nuKBVQS7M). This is also applicable in real time before and after important meetings or conversations.

3. Identify any prominent feelings that jump out, thinking about what emotions the situation(s) stirred up. 

4. Allow yourself to sit in those feelings, for a moment (that last part being the key phrase) 

5. Identify how your emotions impacted how you communicated (e.g did you have a lot of fillers (“umm, uhh”), was your voice shaky, did you stumble over your words?)  

6. Challenge negative emotion with personal truths by using “I statements”. For example, “I could have put more effort into that project, but I continuously learn from my mistakes and apply lessons learned to the next project”. Or maybe you left a conversation feeling you fumbled all your words and didn’t get your point across; respond with affirming truths such as,“I am a phenomenal active listener and liked how ____ explained _____, every conversation is another opportunity to practice and grow”.

Practicing emotional awareness (i.e,having the ability to understand why certain emotions have arised, and being preemptive in implementing strategies to target potential future emotions) is a skill set that carries over directly into the workplace. Professionalism not only shines through your technical skills but how you handle and respond to interpersonal relations, unpredictable situations, and heated conversations, all of which occur in the workplace and are tied to emotion.

“Emotional competence is the single most important personal quality that each of us must develop and access to experience a breakthrough. Only through managing our emotions can we access our intellect and our technical competence. An emotionally competent person performs better under pressure.”  –Dave Lennick, Executive VP, American Express Financial Advisers

Emotions play a vital role in our communication with friends, family, acquaintances, and within the workplace. Having emotional intelligence, (i.e., being aware of, in control of, and able to express one’s emotions), is a fundamental skill that may be keeping you from your next big move.

To speak with a psychotherapist or one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.