Written by: Anna Pasternak / Communication / May 03, 2023 / 8 minutes read

Many people come to the clinic wanting to work on improving their overall communication/conversational skills. With most often the main problem being carrying conversations. They may experience difficulties with not knowing what to say to carry the conversation or just feeling like they are blank and do not have much to add to the conversation. When someone comes to the clinic describing these difficulties they are having, we often look at active listening skills first. Many people do not take into account that sometimes the reason they are having communication problems can be closely related to poor active listening skills. 

Active listening is crucial when it comes to good communication skills. Think about it, when in conversation we are usually listening almost half the time. While listening we should be listening with not only our ears but our entire body and mind. We have to be fully engaged in the conversation in order to really understand what the other person is saying.  We have to make sure we fully understand what the other person is saying as well as paying attention to their non-verbal cues , to respond effectively and carry the conversation. Often people who do not have strong active listening skills feel like they do not know how to respond because they allow their own thoughts to take over their minds while someone is speaking, and this leads to not actually fully taking in what the other person is saying. 

Often people might also be trying to form responses in their mind, or trying to figure out what they can say next. This also stops them from being fully present in the conversation, and may even make it more difficult for them when it is time to respond. This is because they may have missed a lot of crucial information the other person was sharing, that they can no longer respond to, as they did not hear the messages being shared.  

If you are having trouble with your listening skills, do not worry, active listening is something that can improve with practice. The more you are conscious of it and applying active listening skills throughout your daily life the better these skills will become with time. With improved active listening skills personal relationships, professional relationships, and also conflicts can be enhanced. If you would like to go more in depth about active listening please check our Communication Wellness course online. 

When it comes to active listening there are a few areas of active listening that we have to be sure we are using and engaging. One of those being eye contact. Eye contact is important when we are listening because it shows we are engaged and paying attention to the conversation. As a listener we should be providing even more eye contact then the speaker. When giving good eye contact this lets our communication partner know that we are paying attention as we are not getting distracted by other things around us, or look like we do not want to be in the conversation if good eye-contact is not maintained.

Head-nodding is also important when showing we are listening, as we nod- along this shows the speaker that we are following and listening to what they are saying. Though nodding may not always be enough, because as a listener we should also be responding effectively to what is being said, making appropriate relatable comments, or asking more open- ended questions.  If we were just to nod, sometimes we can get lost in that nod, and then we risk our own personal thoughts starting to take over, and stop fully listening to our communication partner. Asking open-ended questions  encourages the speaker to say more, and provides us with more information that we can respond to.  Asking questions can also help keep the conversation going, without having those awkward pauses of not knowing what to say. 

We also want to make sure that as a listener we have appropriate facial expressions. That we are giving appropriate facial expressions to what is being said ‘i.e., smiling if someone tells a joke’ to show engagement. Paraphrasing is  another form of showing that we have been listening because this allows us to confirm our understanding of what is being said as well as show the speaker that we have really been engaged and listening to their key points. As a listener when we respond appropriately to what is being said, this shows that we value what the speaker is saying. This will allow for both the speaker and listener to feel satisfied in the conversation. 

Empathy is another very important aspect of active listening.  When we are empathetic we show that we are understanding the others emotions. This is really important in conversation, as emotions are consistently involved, and showing that we can relate to the speaker by trying to understand their emotions and feelings, shows that we care about the speaker and the conversation. Sometimes we just have to validate the person's emotions even if we have a different perspective or do not agree with what the person is saying. Validation still shows that you are trying to take in and understand their perspective, this allows for the speaker to feel understood and not like they are being judged.  We also want to make sure to observe non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and body language that what the speaker is saying is also being communicated through their body language. Many times, people may be saying one thing, but something else can be communicated through their body language. Being able to observe the speakers non- verbal communication will allow us to understand the full message, not just bits and parts of it.  

Furthermore, it is crucial to allow the speaker to finish their message and not jump to assumptions of what they may say or interrupt what the speaker is saying. This will make the speaker feel less valued, and can also throw off their train of thought. Waiting for pauses in the conversation are appropriate moments to say  something when we would like to share something as a listener. 

Active listening is a crucial part of overall communication and conversational skills. When using active listening appropriately our communication partner will feel heard and understood. It will allow for clear communication to take place, and allow for relationships to grow. 

To speak with a psychotherapist or one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.