Written by: Kendra Wormald / Professional Communication / March 01, 2023 / 8 minutes read

1. Eye contact and communication

2. How to use eye contact effectively

3. Eyes contact cultural differences

4. Interpreting eye contact

5. Why do we avoid eye contact?

6. Eye contact and the virtual world we live in

A communication component that often feels uncomfortable and devalued is non-verbal communication, specifically eye contact. You may have heard of the quote “eyes are the windows to the soul”, which carries a lot of value, impact and truth. Eye contact is defined as “visual contact with another person’s eyes” (Cambridge Dictionary, 2023). There is however a method and necessary intentionality to how and how long you make eye contact within a conversation.

Eye contact in communication is necessary. It demonstrates interest, attentiveness and mimics the reciprocity, or turn taking, of a conversation. Research has found that in-person eye contact connects the brain areas associated with language production and reception (Meinch, 2022). 

“Findings suggest that eye contact may be a key mechanism for enabling the coordination of shared and independent modes of thought, allowing conversation to both cohere and evolve” (Wohltien and Wheatley, 2021).

Eye contact can have diverse impacts on communication such as, make you seem more sincere or authentic, helps to obtain and keep the other person’s attention, add emotion or emphasis, support credibility in what you say and helps your communication partner remember what you say to them. This nonverbal cue can also make you more resistant to persuasion and the awareness of others’ eye contact can help you be more aware of their influence over you (Eatough, 2021). 

There is however, such a thing as too much or too little eye contact and it does need to be quantified and used appropriately. Too much eye contact can communicate superiority, lack of respect, be threatening or express a desire to insult. Reduced eye contact can be interpreted as not paying attention, insecurity, dishonesty or shyness and lowering your eye gaze may communicate feelings of inferiority. 

• As a rule of thumb, match the frequency of eye contact of your conversation partner. This will help build rapport and make them feel heard. 

• Make eye contact before you respond. 

• Use the 50/70 rule. Maintain eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% when listening.

• Look for 3–5 seconds. Hold eye contact for about three to five seconds at a time. When you break eye contact, glance to the side before resuming your gaze.

• Look away slowly. Looking away too quickly (darting your eyes) can make you appear nervous or shy.

• Look near the eyes. Instead of looking down, look at another spot on the face such as to the temples, forehead, or nose. Every 5 seconds try to rotate this

In a group setting, employ similar techniques. Imagine having an individual conversation with one person in the group. When you finish your thought or sentence, look to someone else in the group, ensuring to include everyone at some point. 

Non-verbal communication also plays an integral role in the effectiveness of workplace interactions. 

It’s important to note that different cultures value eye contact differently.  Bauer (2015) noted that, “In many Eastern and some Caribbean cultures, meeting another’s eyes can be perceived as rude or aggressive. In a 2013 study, Asians were more likely than Westerners to regard a person who makes eye contact as angry or unapproachable. The study also suggested that gaze direction (direct vs. averted) could influence perceptions about another person’s disposition. These results suggest that cultural differences in eye contact behavior emerge from differential display rules and cultural norms.” Social cues can help you understand when a person is comfortable with the amount of eye contact you’re making with them.

Shafir (2021) provides a general summary of how to interpret signs of discomfort and comfort in regards to how much and the type of eye contact you are making.

Signs of discomfort: 

• Averting their eyes or looking away/down

• Fidgeting or seeming restless

• Checking their watch, phone, or the door

• Looking elsewhere when they talk to you

• Bad or infrequent eye contact

Signs of comfort: 

• Meeting/matching your gaze

• Sitting in an open/comfortable position

• Eye contact and smiling or nodding

• Looking at you when you’re talking

• Meeting your eyes when they speak to you

Breaking eye contact can help sustain our working memory, concentration and imagination, which is why it’s important to not hold eye contact the entire conversation, as explained above. However, sometimes making eye contact can send the brain into overdrive and feel uncomfortable or even painful. More on developing Assertive and Professional Communication skills can be found here

     Eye Contact and Autism

Both children and adults on the autism spectrum often experience physical discomfort when making eye contact and often associate it with feelings of invasiveness, distraction and confusion. Also those with autism often find it more challenging to process verbal information when making eye contact and can lead to miscommunication on both sides of the conversation (Rudy, 2023). More on communication and autism can be found here and here 

With an increased amount of people working from home video meetings are inevitable. You want to ensure you continue to use eye contact to your advantage in video communication, even if it’s not directly face to face. A general tip to increase the effect of eye contact would be to move the Zoom/Teams window as close to the camera lens as possible, then look directly at the camera periodically. 

“ It’s vital that we learn how to look at the camera and carry on a conversation with as much focus, passion, and intention as if our listener is seated right in front of us.” (Hansen, 2023)

Get in the habit of looking at the camera regularly and directly. Specifically, I’d tell you to look at the camera (Lester, 2023):

1. During greetings and salutations 

2. When you feel the need to develop rapport with others. (Ex: They’re sharing something meaningful to them) 

3. At the ends of sentences to invite others to contribute 

4. When making a particularly important point. This is especially helpful for cultivating your own executive presence. 

More on non-verbal communication during video calls  can be found here 

Eye contact is a vital aspect of communication and helps build connection and demonstrates active listening while reinforcing communication intents. Eye contact comes naturally to some but it’s still important to practice to develop confidence and accurate use. 

To speak with a psychotherapist or one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.