Dating On The Spectrum
Written by: Megan Smith / Social Skills / October 28, 2020 / 8 minutes read
On October 4th, the first-ever cohort of autistic adults participated in our speed-dating event Dating On The Spectrum! This event was designed to give autistic adults interested in dating a chance to practice dating skills and meet new people. Due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the first iteration of this event was held virtually using Zoom.
Why host a speed-dating event?
This event came to be after our clinic director, Melissa James, watched the Netflix series Love On The Spectrum. She realized that as a speech-language pathologist who had worked with many autistic adults, she was well equipped to provide a service that could help address this need. Her past clients had reported that social skills and dating were areas of concern, and she already knew how to structure effective social skills practice sessions. It would not be too much of a challenge to adapt her existing skills and offer a dating experience to those who are interested.
These dating experiences can be particularly important to some! One 2013 study reported that, in the general population of adults at age 25, about 70% of young adults are in a relationship. A study released in the same year by the Redpath Centre found that only 14.9% of autistic adults (of any age) in their sample were in a relationship at the time of the study, and that only 32.1% of autistic adults (of any age) had ever been in a relationship.
Thus, Dating On The Spectrum (DOTS) was born, in partnership with Autism Canada. The event was structured to allow autistic adults to:
take advantage of a safe space to practice their dating skills,
meet new people, and:
screen other autistic adults to see if they had a romantic connection.
Additionally, participants could indicate whether they wanted the event facilitators (mostly speech-language pathologists) to provide feedback on their dating and conversation skills. In this way, participants who wanted extra help could get the feedback they need, and those who did not want the extra help could simply participate in speed-dating without worrying about being judged.
A study released [...] by the Redpath Centre found that only 14.9% of autistic adults (of any age) in their sample were in a relationship at the time of the study, and that only 32.1% of autistic adults (of any age) had ever been in a relationship.
What was the event like?
The first DOTS event had five participants – two women interested in dating men, and three men interested in dating women. Here is what the event schedule looked like:
Orientation and Introduction (10 minutes)
Review of Ground Rules (10 minutes)
Dates – Round 1 (10 minutes)
Break (5 minutes)
Dates – Round 2 (10 minutes)
Break (5 minutes)
Dates – Round 3 (10 minutes)
Debriefing and Conclusion (10 minutes)
In total, the event lasted a little more than an hour.
In addition to the dates themselves, male participants also had a ten-minute non-date (as there were more men than women). They could choose whether to use this time to talk about their experience of dating and their future dating goals, and/or participate in a practice date with one of the volunteers for feedback.
While we cannot disclose information about the participants, we can say that at least one match did occur at our first event!
Who would be a good fit for a future DOTS session?
These are the ideal features of our speed-dating participants. If you are considering whether to attend a future DOTS event, consider them as you decide whether to register.
You have an official diagnosis or self-diagnosis of ASD. We recognize that many people – especially women – cannot access the services required to receive an official diagnosis, or are overlooked due to different presentations of autism.
You are interested in dating or practicing your dating skills. Many adults with autism have trouble finding romantic connections, or have never gone on a date before. The event is a safe space to practice imperfect dating skills and get to know others with a similar life experience.
You are between the ages of 20 and 35. While we hope to offer additional sessions in the future for other age ranges, for now, we are limiting the dating pool so that many-to-most participants are close in age.
You can participate in a conversation independently. Our dates are 1:1 matches, and while the event is a safe space for imperfect social skills, we expect a degree of independence of communication.
If you are not certain that you would be a good fit, feel free to reach out and discuss your concerns. We may be able to accommodate certain needs or concerns, but we can do so most effectively if we have all the information we need in advance of the event.
Some populations (e.g. LGBTQ, older adults, older teens) may get their own specialized DOTS in the future, if we can get a large enough number of interested registrants.
If you are interested in participating in our next Dating On The Spectrum event in January 2021, you can register here.
Our clinic also offers 1:1 speech-language pathology services to adults on the spectrum, including social skills training.
To book an initial consultation at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, visit our online booking system or call us today.
