Stuttering and the Power of Acceptance

Written by: Laura Janzen / Fluency Therapy / October 20, 2021 / 10 minutes read

One of the most damaging things a child with a speech impediment can hear at an early age is that they need to “fix” their speech. Many children who stutter internalize this message and believe they are “broken” in some fundamental way. These children then grow into adults who feel shame that they stutter, and do everything in their power to hide it. Individuals who use techniques such as word switching or simply not talking, are often able to conceal their stutter completely, and are termed “covert stutterers”. Despite aiding in the fluency of their speech, these avoidant behaviours often re-enforce the message that a stutter is something shameful that needs to be hidden. Therefore, when they encounter words they cannot switch, like their name for example, the anxiety around introductions and the possibility of stuttering leads to a huge amount of stress. I often hear stories of clients who give up job interviews or career opportunities because they anticipate having to say words that they know will elicit a stutter. 

Instead, in my practice, I have found that Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)  tends to be a better fit for people that fall into the “covert stutterer” category. Instead of fighting against the stutter and avoiding any word that may cause one, I encourage my clients to accept the stutter and say exactly what they want to say. I tell my clients to choose their authenticity over making others comfortable. Sure, it may take a few extra seconds to get the idea out, but the more they prove to themselves it’s okay, the easier it becomes. 

An important concept to grasp on the journey to acceptance, is that the “problem” (stuttering) is not actually preventing you from achieving anything. It’s the “struggle” (fear/anxiety leading up to communication, avoiding situations or changing the words) that actually limits their ability to engage fully in their own lives.

Individuals who use techniques such as word switching or simply not talking, are termed “covert stutterers”. [T]hese avoidant behaviours often re-enforce the message that a stutter is something shameful that needs to be hidden.

Often the fear these individuals experience is surrounding how others will react to disfluency. Some clients relay incredibly painful memories of people laughing or being cruel to them because of their stutter. I invite my clients to shift the meaning of that type of reaction and realize that “it says more about them than it does about you”.  You would never laugh at someone in a wheelchair for taking a bit longer to get somewhere, so why would it be okay for someone to laugh when it takes a bit longer for a person who stutters to get their words out?  Well, the answer is, it’s not. Regardless of whether a disability is visible or invisible, this type of discrimination is unacceptable and a clear display of ableism.

I tell my clients to look for choice points in their daily lives. Moments where they can choose to either move towards who they want to be, in a way that aligns with their values, or they can choose to move away, because they are afraid. Moving away means a decision that is in opposition to our values, and is most often motivated by fear and avoidance of unpleasant thoughts, emotions and experiences. For example, a person who stutters, when called upon in class, may choose to say “I don’t know” instead of the answer, because they know that word may lead to a stuttering event. This would be an away move for someone who values authenticity and honesty. Consistently making away moves out of fear, can cause someone who stutters to feel as though they are not being true to themselves and instead, they are allowing their stutter to control and limit their life experiences. Once clients choose to accept the fact that they stutter, and make towards moves, they start to experience freedom and realize they don’t have to live in fear anymore. 

 I also discuss with my clients the importance of how they talk to themselves, and not becoming fused with negative thoughts. It can be incredibly helpful to see yourself as separate from negative thoughts that may float through your brain. This way your decisions are not governed by these thoughts and instead you can choose to live in alignment with your values. For example, when considering interviewing for a new position, you may have the thought “If I stutter, I won’t get the job”. If you get fused with this thought, and believe it to be true, then you will likely not even attend the interview. On the other hand, if you can unhook yourself from this thought and realize you have the required skills to succeed in that position, then you can make choices based on what you want, rather than what you’re scared of. 

If you struggle with a stutter and you feel like it holds you back from participating in your life fully, book an initial consultation today and let us help you make the first move towards the life you want.

To speak with one of the speech-language pathologists or the psychotherapist at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.