Living An Authentic (Assertive) Lifestyle

Written by: Anna Pasternak / Communication Coaching / October 27, 2021 / 8 minutes read

Living an assertive lifestyle can help us to become truer to ourselves, in other words more ‘authentic’ and happier. People strive to live an ‘authentic life’ one where their actions and words match their core beliefs and values. People who truly live an ‘authentic’ life, live a life with positive thoughts as the negative aspects of life that may have caused them problems are minimized by being assertive communicators. The opposite can happen when someone is not true to themselves and negative thoughts and feelings begin to develop as a direct cause of that.

These negative thoughts and feelings may include feelings of judgment, guilt, fear, anxiety, nervousness, disrespect etc.… which can take over our thoughts and run our lives. This relates back to our basic rights to communication where we have the right to our own thoughts, though it is our responsibility to make sure that these thoughts are positive ones and minimize negative thoughts that do not benefit us in any way. People who are ‘authentic’ to themselves live more happier and fulfilled lives. Kernis & Goldman (2006) discussed different components of authenticity, these being: awareness, unbiased processing, behaviour, and relational orientation. 

Awareness, referring to trusting one's own feelings and motives. Underling your strengths and weaknesses, goals and weaknesses and emotions. A person should understand themselves and why they may act or react the way they do in every situation. Unbiased processing means we do not exaggerate our knowledge and experiences. Those who are truly authentic do not change their experiences that happen to be better whether they are good or bad. Behaviour is important as this is us behaving acting for what we believe in and value. People who are authentic will know that the way they behave matches what they believe. Relational orientation is about letting people who are close to you to see the real you. People who are authentic are genuine people who do not try to be any other way but themselves. 

People who truly live an ‘authentic’ life, live a life with positive thoughts as the negative aspects of life that may have caused them problems are minimized by being assertive communicators.

Being an assertive communicator not only helps grow authenticity within yourself but also helps build authentic relationships.  When you are assertive within your own relationships many conflicts or misunderstandings can be avoided.  Let’s take this example into account: You have been asking your husband/wife to take out the garbage as you are busy with the kids, they have yet to do so, even though you asked them a couple of hours ago. There are a few different ways that you can respond: 

Passive - not say anything and be angry inside.

Aggressive - yell at them saying “ You don't do anything around here, I always have to do everything’

Passive-aggressive - give them the cold shoulder or silent treatment

Assertive - ask them again “ I would really appreciate it if you took out the garbage as soon as you can, my hands are full, and it would be great help”. 

In the first three scenarios communicating in an aggressive or passive-aggressive way could lead to a direct argument. Being passive would build up negative feelings within yourself which could grow, and overtime explode into a big argument. If you respond assertively to the situations or negative feelings you are experiencing in the moment be dealt with, and do not build up to become something worse. Dealing with situations that come up in the moment and communicating assertively will help eliminate negative feelings that may arise from both communication partners. Saying what you are thinking well thought out with continuous respect for the other person will show that you are standing up for yourself and the beliefs which will help build an authentic relationship. 

Living an authentic life may occasionally cause some bumps in the road, as not everyone will always agree with you. Though if you are truly authentic these bumps get smoothed very quickly as you are not worried about disapproval or judgment from others, you follow your own light and know what is best for yourself, and this approval of one-self is all you need to move forward with a happy life. 

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