The Role Of Psychotherapy In Anxiety, Speech Avoidance And Consequences In Speech
Written by: Amber Sperling / Communication & Anxiety / July 13th, 2022 / 8 minutes read
As a Social Worker, Psychotherapist my clients ask what I can offer them for their distress related to struggles related to workplace presentations, communicating with colleagues and overall feeling intimidated to express their needs in professional and personal relationships. It is common for many people to have underlying beliefs that are impacting their limitations. Underlying beliefs are often a result of interactions in childhood or difficult/traumatic events that have occurred as an adult. When we form expectations of what certain outcomes a certain situation will have, we create beliefs about what this will mean for ourselves.
"When we form expectations of what certain outcomes a certain situation will have, we create beliefs about what this will mean for ourselves."
For example, if you grew up in a household where you were told to be “seen and not heard”, and your caregivers responded to your emotions by telling you to stop crying - it is understandable that as an adult you have an irrational belief that you do not deserve to express your emotions, that others will reject you if you ask for help, or your attempts to communicate your needs will be viewed as weakness.
Some other interventions would support people in finding ways to see the “bright side”; of situations, accept they are not all bad or find ways to avoid being triggered all together. For long-term change and reduction in distress Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) targets beliefs that impact many different areas of our lives to reduce distress - not avoid it.
In REBT, Albert Ellis connects our underlying irrational beliefs with the consequences they create: emotional, physical and behavioural consequences - and communication consequences are prevalent. Think about the irrational belief “I am a failure if I stumble on my words (in the presentation)”. It is not rational to be a failure based on one moment in time. Therefore REBT would help this person to replace that irrational belief with “I would prefer not to stumble on my words, however if I do it is not the end of the world and I am not a failure”. Say those two different beliefs outloud to yourself and see how they feel to say - the second removes the weight of a demand to perform which in and of itself increases the chances of error - not failure - a mistake or accidental blunder.
Semantics are incredibly powerful. Changing a word or phrase changes the meaning and when we change the meaning of our beliefs we can empower change in the intensity and frequency of emotions. Removing words such as “should” and “must” from our regular vocabulary automatically can decrease anger, resentment and anxiety for many. Replace them with “would prefer”, “I wish” or other softer words.
Steps of REBT
Going through the Steps of REBT is as easy as ABCDEF:
Adverse event: What situation is bothering you?
Beliefs: Irrational belief causing the Consequences
Consequences: Emotional, Behavioural and Physical impact of your belief on you and your life
Disputation: Is your belief helping you or harming you? Is it logical? Where is the evidence to support this belief?
Effective new Belief: How can you re-frame this belief in a rational, functional and logical way?
Feelings / Functional Goal: How will you respond differently when the belief no longer has harmful consequences?
Common themes of irrational beliefs centre around Demands on the ourselves, others and the world; awfulizing/catastrophizing, self downing/other downing and low frustration tolerance. For example, one might tell themselves “I cannot stand it if I stutter in front of my boss” - my question to you would be have you stuttered in front of your boss before? The answer is usually yes. Is this not evidence that you can stand it? And would prefer if it did not happen because it is uncomfortable?
One can also look at situations where they do not have issues with speaking or communicating. What are you telling yourself, or not telling yourself that is different in those situations? Working with a social worker can help to unwind the mess of string in your mind of what we tell ourselves in different situations. We are the same person when we wake up as when we go to bed - so why do we allow ourselves to think differently about our value or abilities based on who is around us? Yes, bosses are more likely to judge you than your partner at home, however their judgement does not change your value. The more pressure you put on yourself that your value can be changed, the more anxious you will feel and again, more likely you are to have the unhelpful behaviours (ie stuttering) appear.
This process of determining the underlying beliefs that cause your anxiety, anger, frustration, or other unhealthy negative emotions may be done through reprocessing past events or focusing only on recent events or future worries. Client-centred psychotherapy puts the choice in your hands. Combining these cognitive therapies with mindfulness, grounding and other resourcing to enhance your ability to manage distress opens the door to communicating without worry about consequences, feeling more grounded and confident to tackle the interactions of day to day life.
To speak with a psychotherapist or one of the speech-language pathologists at Well Said: Toronto Speech Therapy, schedule an initial consultation by clicking the link below or calling (647) 795-5277.
